FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK -- Like many of you, we were shocked and discouraged by the recent "leaks" released to the media about Adventure Capitalists and the allegations they charge. After an extensive forensic analysis of our IT infrastructure and in consultation with our counsel and the US intelligence community, a19s would like to set the record straight about these leaks. This communication will serve as the only official comment on the matter.

First, the firm can neither confirm nor deny that we are releasing another record this spring. Investment decisions of this kind are information proprietary to the firm and critical to our ongoing success. Speculation about when the record will drop, the amount of premium shreddage it does or does not contain and/or potential chart topping track listings and sequences. Persons found to be spreading word about another Adventure Capitalists' record are unauthorized agents with no ...

During our annual firm retreat to Burning Man, we've had a lot of conversations about Bitcoin and the future of wealth distribution on the Internet. Clearly, we're on the precipice of a once-in-a-generation shift in the mechanics of moving money and it is obvious to us at AdCap the blockchain figures centrally in this trend. The macroecon implications of Byzantine consensus is...

Wait.

Fuck.

FUCK.

Guys. Guys, not cool. Okay - everybody put down your mimosas. Who scratched my Maybach?

FUCK. FUCK! WHO FUCKING DID IT?

Goddammit - this is not fucking funny people. Oh shit. Oh fuck - you can see it from three feet away. Look at it. Just look at it! That gash is wider than the spread on my goddamn natural gas futures. Are fucking blind? It's right there.

No, Steve, I can't just "buff it out." I just got it fucking armored last month ...

My good friend and former lacrosse teammate Paul Graham wrote a few days back about the importance of a domain name. I was so excited someone from the investment community finally had the courage to broach this topic I nearly spilled my Blue Bottle over my Microsoft Surface. Paul is absolutely spot on here.

Why waste a quarter of a million dollars of your precious early stage capital on stuff like hiring engineers, acquiring customers or investing in differentiation when you could write a fat check to some Cayman Island broker for a tangential English word followed by ".com"?

Think about it - what's the most important audience to whom your startup needs to look large and in charge?

Customers? Nope.

Potential employees? Think again.

Investors? EXACTLY.

Why would I waste my precious time in between the Hamptons and the golf course talking to some scrub rocking a ".io?" I ...